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Text 11 Jul 2 notes Always a Shadow

Here’s the thing: I’m not sure that the eating disorder ever truly goes away.  That ED part of me sits in the back of my brain and latches on to certain comments people make about their own weight/diet, comments people make about my own, certain news articles, certain advertisements, and certain food packaging.

That little tickle, always there, of the ED provides the same social commentary: And you people have the nerve to call me fucked up.

Take, for example, my co-worker yesterday who described doing the master cleanse. I just shook my head and said, “Girl, that’s so unhealthy for you.”

She insisted: “No, no – cleanses are good for you, I like them, they help me flush out my system.”

So I just shrugged and went about my business, the energy wasn’t there to argue and I didn’t want to, but there was my ED on the backburner hissing “Why does society let her do that, but you can’t?”

Or the article on Huffington Post today – teen girls want to lose weight, even ten year olds. (Article: http://huff.to/176A6Np)

The age seems to get younger and younger every year.

Yet, everyone always points to finger to different things – fast food, the media, bullying, worrying, sleep deprivation, and on and on.

…The same co-worker above expressed outrage at this article and how society really needs to get on this.

Well, yeah, we do.

But here’s the thing: it can start with something as simple as talking about your own body the right way.

I’m not saying I’m there, obviously, the ED part of my brain might never turn off completely. I figure the longer you do something on the outside, the quicker it will turn inward.

The number one basic thing I think all of us could to change society, to encourage kids (especially little girls) to be healthy – to not worry about their weight – to not want to lose weight:

Stop body bashing. Don’t join in when friends start.  At first, I started simply remaining silent.  Sometimes I still do, especially if I’m having my own “fat” day. But the thing is: I don’t verbalize it anymore. Its probably why I haven’t been on this blog or Twitter as much.  Then, depending on the situation, I might remind a friend about what her body can do.  For example, I’ve got a friend who runs half-marathons and yet constantly complains about her weight.  I looked at her one day and said, point blank, “Yeah, maybe you do feel that, but have you ever thought what your body can do?” She blinked at me completely confused.So I continued, “Look, you keep saying I’ve lost weight or how much smaller I am than you, but I can hardly run a mile without hyperventilating. You run 13 in the morning, no sweat off your back, and don’t even run 5Ks ‘cuz they’re not worth you’re time. Screw how the world thinks your body looks, you’re fucking bad ass.”It didn’t stop the body bashing. Well, not at first.Then down the road, her uncle (not a nice man) insulted her weight.  She told me: “I thought about what you said to me and I looked at him, told him to go screw himself and that this Saturday while he was sitting in front of the TV, eating junk, I’d be out running 13 miles so when he can catch me, he’s welcome to comment on my body.”

Hell yeah.

I didn’t say: oh yeah, you’re not fat.

Because ultimately, isn’t the point supposed to be: who cares?

Right now that ED part of me is screaming. She knows she may have lost me for good. She’s always going to be there, making snide comments back there, but I’m telling her to fuck the hell off.




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Text 11 Jul Always a Shadow

Always a Shadow

Here’s the thing: I’m not sure that the eating disorder ever truly goes away.  That ED part of me sits in the back of my brain and latches on to certain comments people make about their own weight/diet, comments people make about my own, certain news…

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Audrey and Albert as Mark and Joanna during a tour in the south of France, August 1966.

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The benefits of HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) are ENDLESS! Do some HIIT today! (: 

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The benefits of HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) are ENDLESS! Do some HIIT today! (: 

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I’m loving this create-a-meme app far too much

Every day in some people I know’s cases… I’m a bartender.

littlebitfit:

I’m loving this create-a-meme app far too much

Every day in some people I know’s cases… I’m a bartender.

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kristinastewartcolbert:

crossfire is coming back to cnn? didn’t jon stewart ruin that show by calling out on its bullshit? causing its cancellation in the first place?

The things CNN thinks they can do while Jon Stewart is on vacation…

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Click on the picture for funny memes

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